El Tri Fantasy Football, 2026 Preseason Power Rankings

Eric put $60 on Christian McCaffrey, and the room made the noise a family makes when grandpa announces he bought a motorcycle. The manager whose entire fantasy identity is watching his guys leave games in a cart handed his largest check to the most famous MRI recipient in football, and the sheet has 302.09 points sitting next to the name, a figure Eric will quote in the group chat four times before Halloween. The top-line grade is real: 121.86 projected points out of his starting lineup, best in the league, two elite starters, zero bye collisions. Then you look behind the front row and find nothing. He sank 97.5% of his money into starters, and the gap between a York starter and whoever replaces him is 7.65 points, twelfth of twelve, the widest cliff anyone built. One player was hurt before the draft even ended. The 2017 ring says he can win this thing; the 2016 sacko says the trapdoor is still installed. Week 1 sends him to Jason and Weenie Hut Jr., a series he trails 7-9 across 2013 through 2025, which is a strange thing to trail. If McCaffrey pulls up in warmups, Eric's first phone call goes to his twin brother Brian, who is not in this league, has never been in this league, and would still be an upgrade on the guy behind CMC.

Luke filled his last roster spot, said "good draft everyone," and was gone before the room finished arguing about a kicker, which is the most Luke Branscum sequence available. He does not linger. He does not gloat. He builds a roster with no personality and no soft spot and then goes back to reading about appropriations. The team he walked out on is the sturdiest thing in El Tri. His biggest check of the night was Drake London at $36, a number that would get you laughed out of the bidding on half the rosters above him, and he spread everything else so wide that only 83% of his cap sits in the starting lineup, the smallest share anyone carries. The reward for that patience: a 2.805 point gap from his starters to whoever replaces them, best in the league by a distance, and a tight end room grading +2.13. He still projects 117.64 out of the lineup, third overall, with two elite pieces on top of it. Two of his guys were hurt before the auction ended and he has not mentioned it, because a man with this bench does not have to. The 2023 ring came out of exactly this: own nothing worth screenshotting, break nothing, be standing in December. Week 1 he draws Andrew and 6-2, a series he trails 7-8 since 2018, against a manager whose whole roster is a call with second pair. Luke will lock that lineup Thursday morning and not think about fantasy football again until the scores are final.

GO MAX went out and dropped $73 on Jahmyr Gibbs, the single biggest check anyone wrote in this auction, roughly 37% of his cap on one running back, and then spent the rest of the night acting like a man who had solved fantasy football. Go big or go home has been the whole personality since 2018, and to his credit the roster grades like it worked: 118.67 projected out of the starting lineup, second in the league, two elite starters, and a quarterback room at +3.84 that is the strongest single position mark on any roster in El Tri. The receivers are the bill coming due. His wideouts sit at -2.02, eighth in the league, which is what happens when one man eats 73 dollars at the table. For once only one of his players walked into the season hurt, a Max McBride personal record that will hold until roughly the second quarter of week 1. That week 1 game is Mero and Don't Look Brock in Anger, the rival he trails 10-11 across 2013 through 2025, a series so tight it has produced a decade of insufferable French-language trash talk between two men who both speak it. Max is either winning this league or explaining in November why Gibbs was the correct process. Both speeches are already written.

The commissioner built the commissioner's roster. Bryan spent $59 on James Cook III, filled the rest with men whose highlight reels are eleven-yard completions, and produced the most balanced team in the league: his weakest position, running back, grades at -0.487, first in El Tri, meaning there is no hole anywhere on this roster. There is also no mountain. One elite starter, 114.38 projected out of the lineup, fifth, and a replacement drop of 3.73 that ranks fourth, so the depth is fine and the ceiling is a drop ceiling. This is a team you cannot dislike and cannot fear, assembled by the nicest man in the league, who will spend October opening trade discussions with four paragraphs of context and closing exactly none of them. Expect a poll about it. Expect three polls about it, one of which asks whether we should have fewer polls. Two of his players were hurt on draft day, which for Bryan counts as chaos. The 2013 ring is real, the 2018 sacko is also real, and the truth of Brown Rice is that he has never once been the story of a week. Week 1 he draws The Snakes, a series knotted 14-14 across 2011 through 2025, which is the most Bryan Ding head-to-head record imaginable. Somebody has to break the tie, and he would rather put it to a vote.

JHo runs the Mario Kart side competition with the rigor of a man who has never won the thing he is running. Three trips to the bottom of this league, 2014 alongside Max, then 2021, then 2024, and zero titles, and the standard JHo draft is a wall of names that make you say "oh, right, him." Not this year. He put $66 on Ja'Marr Chase, the third-largest check in the auction, an act of aggression from a man whose past rosters looked like a fantasy football witness protection program. Around Chase: 113.52 projected out of the starters, sixth, two elite pieces, and 95.5% of his money locked into the lineup, which leaves a bench of gentlemen he will never start and a 5.385 point replacement drop that ranks eighth. Two of his guys arrived injured. The quarterback spot at -0.899 is his softest area and it grades third-best in the league, so the shape of this roster is fine. The shape has never been the problem. The problem arrives around week 9 when he loses three straight by four points and starts posting kart splits instead. Week 1 he gets Eric, and here is the one number JHo should scream about: he leads that series 9-7 across 2013 through 2025. Beat Eric and he gets to open the season in first place, a location he has visited less often than the sacko bracket.

Mickle showed up for year two and refused to spend money. His biggest buy of the whole auction was Chris Olave at $35, the smallest team-high price tag in El Tri, less than Luke's top guy, $38 south of Max's Gibbs. Somehow the roster came out fourth in projected starters at 114.98, with 87% of his cap in the lineup and change left over, so the new guy quietly ran a value draft while everyone else bid each other into a corner. One elite starter, quarterback the soft spot at -1.40, and two players hurt on draft day, which Mike will describe with the same wounded detail he uses for his own hamstring at a family barbecue. He will complain about this roster from week 1 through week 14 regardless of record. He will also reject nine trade offers from his own brother and four more from Daniel, each one arriving with a subject line like "win-win." Week 1 pits him against Jacob and four tet, a matchup Mike owns 2-0 from last season, his entire head-to-head history and a perfect record he brings up more than a man with two data points should. Beat Jacob again and the new guy is 3-0 lifetime against the vibes guy, which is going in his email signature.

Rudge YOLO'd another draft and this time the dice came up hospital. Four of his players were injured on draft day, most in the league, twelfth of twelve, zero percentile, a roster he built by nominating guys he liked the sound of and then paying whatever the room said. The headline buy is Saquon Barkley at $53, which is a good player at a fair price, surrounded by a triage tent. Two elite starters, 113.23 projected out of the lineup, eighth, and a 5.85 replacement drop that ranks tenth, so the bench cannot cover what the training room takes. This is the manager with back-to-back trips to the bottom in 2022 and 2023 and no title, whose signature move is a midseason trade that helps the other guy and a shrug that helps nobody. The vibes are immaculate. The medical staff is overwhelmed. Week 1 he opens against Mickle and Prime Sutton, the man who swept him 2-0 last season in their only two meetings, and Mike has not stopped talking about it since. A Jacob win here shuts up a Durlofsky, which is worth more than the standings point. A Jacob loss and he is 0-3 against a guy who joined the league the day before yesterday and whose biggest purchase this year cost $35.

Last year ended with Omeed and Drew at the absolute bottom of El Tri, the 2025 sacko, three seasons removed from their 2022 ring, and the division of labor has not changed one inch. Drew does the roster work, sends 40 trade offers a week, and sets the lineup. Omeed does the talking, explains route concepts he learned that morning, and vanishes from the chat the instant the score goes the wrong way. Their $53 on Justin Jefferson is the one purchase nobody can argue with. Everything after that gets thinner: one elite starter, 113.26 projected out of the lineup, seventh, and a defense grading -2.35, the second-worst position mark on any roster in the league, which is a remarkable thing to leave broken when a defense costs about a dollar. The depth is real, a 3.465 replacement drop that ranks third, so Drew clearly did the homework while Omeed argued about a nomination. Week 1 hands them Bryan and Brown Rice, a series sitting at 14-14 across 2011 through 2025, the longest deadlock in the league. Win it and Omeed writes a paragraph. Lose it and Drew answers for it alone, the way he has since 2022.

Vinny does one thing every single year, and this year he did it again with a $66 receipt stapled to Bijan Robinson. Buy the star, run out of money, field a bench of guys the waiver wire coughed up. His replacement drop is 6.225, eleventh in the league, which means the day Bijan sits with a hip thing, the Glizzy lineup falls off a table. He also managed the one bye collision he did not need, one of three teams in El Tri carrying one, and his tight end room grades -1.62 with a defense at -1.84, two positions he apparently plans to solve with hope and Arnold Palmer. Two elite starters up top, 113.04 projected from the lineup, ninth. The 2019 title proves the top-heavy approach can hold together for fourteen weeks; every season since proves what happens when it does not. Week 1 is the good one: Daniel and Wideout Roulette, his oldest grudge, a series Vince leads 15-9 across 2011 through 2025. He has beaten Daniel more times than most of you have started a season, and he still gets a text with a lopsided trade offer in it every October. Open 1-0 against the defending champ and Vinny will be insufferable in the Marina for a solid month.

The defending champion named his team Wideout Roulette and then drafted the worst receiving corps in El Tri, a -3.01 grade, twelfth of twelve, zero percentile, the single largest hole any manager built in this auction. The name was supposed to be a bit. It is now a scouting report. Danny won this thing in 2025 and back in 2014, so nobody is calling him bad at fantasy football, but $52 on Chase Brown and 95.5% of his cap in the starting lineup produced a team projecting 111.57 out of its starters, tenth overall, held up by two elite pieces and a wideout group assembled from rookies and men who once caught a pass for New England. The trade offers start Tuesday. They will be insulting. They will arrive with a friendly preamble about how this helps both sides, and every manager in this league will read the receiver he is being asked to send back and understand the assignment. Week 1 he drives up from San Jose in spirit to face Vince, a series he trails 9-15 across 2011 through 2025, the worst head-to-head hole any manager carries into opening weekend. Defending a title is hard. Defending it with the twelfth-ranked receiving corps and a knee he refuses to rehab is a season-long dare.

Mero drafts solid teams, and this year the machine produced the most solid pile of nothing in the league. His starting lineup projects 110.95 points, dead last, twelfth of twelve, zero percentile, and yet the roster has no dramatic flaw to point at: his replacement drop is 3.45, second-best in El Tri, so the depth behind the mediocrity is excellent. Congratulations, Merwan, you built the deepest bad team anyone has ever seen. The $58 on Amon-Ra St. Brown is a fine buy, the tight end room at +2.26 is the second-strongest single position mark in the league, and then the running backs sit at -2.13 and the whole thing collapses into a pint of Guinness at 10 a.m. He also drew a bye collision and two players hurt before a snap. The résumé is 2011 and 2012, championships he wins arguments with despite the fact that half the league was not checking their lineups back then, plus a 2017 trip to the bottom that nobody brings up because he brings up the trophies first. Week 1 puts him across from Max, his rival, a series he leads 11-10 across 2013 through 2025. Two French speakers, one grudge, and the lowest projected starting lineup in the league trying to punch up at the second-highest.

Dozo has won this league twice, in 2015 and again in 2024, and he did it by drafting the same eleven guys every year until the universe relented. This year he drafted them again and the sheet blinked: zero elite starters, the only team in El Tri with none, twelfth of twelve, a roster of perfectly acceptable men. He spent $55 on Derrick Henry, which is the loudest thing about this team and also a purchase he could have described to you in July, and his quarterback spot grades -2.15, the softest single position on the roster. The starting lineup projects 111.33, eleventh, and he carries one bye collision he will discover the morning of. The one genuine trophy here: zero players injured on draft day, first in the league, a spotless bill of health for a group nobody wants. Push him all-in and he folds, and this roster is the poker equivalent of calling with second pair and asking the table to be gentle. Week 1 he opens against Luke and whatever Pick Nix means, a series he leads 8-7 since 2018. Two managers who leave the draft early, one of whom left with actual depth. Andrew will be 6-2 by November anyway, because that is his team name and the man commits to a bit.