El Tri Fantasy Football, Week 2 Power Rankings

Daniel's receiving corps reads like a list of guys you'd cut on Wednesday. Parker Washington 13.30. Jalen Coker 10.60. Romeo Doubs 11.10. Every one of them cleared projection, and the whole operation buried Mickle by 53.86 without a single name anybody in this chat would trade for. Danny is out here proving the wheel doesn't care. Brock Purdy hit 28.48 against a 20.59 projection, which is a little rich coming from the manager who benched Purdy in week 1 to start Drake Maye, collected 9.82, and left 21.1 rotting where nobody could reach it. He has corrected the error and immediately stopped touching anything: one transaction all season, $2 of FAAB spent, the roster on cruise control from San Jose. His still-rostered picks have returned 1.6157 points per dollar, the best mark in the league, with $14 of drafted money on the bench today doing nothing useful. The freakish part is the consistency. A 0.62 standard deviation across two weeks. He scored 146.12 and then 144.88, like a machine that only knows one number. Max McBride's Trailer Park Boys visit in week 3, 2-0 against 2-0, and Max's side owns a 13-10 all-time edge across 2013 through 2025. Expect a trade offer beforehand. Expect it to be Jalen Coker for a first-round quality running back, delivered with a straight face.

Eric put up 155.70 points and lost. Of course he did. Jaxon Smith-Njigba dropped 38.00 on a 15.22 projection, CeeDee Lamb added 31.30, Brandon Aubrey kicked 17.00, and Rick still walked off the field 1.98 points short because Bryan's team decided to score 157.68 on the same afternoon. The man's whole brand is points against, and he has now absorbed 262.88 of them, tenth in the league. The twist of the knife: he started Harold Fannin Jr. for 7.90 while Jake Ferguson put up 18.30 on his bench, the worst start/sit of his season and roughly ten points more than he lost by. Eric, your tight end room has a 3.84 positional deficit and you picked the wrong half of it. Six transactions, most in the league, so at least he's flailing productively. He jumped from eighth to second this week, second-most rank movement in the league, which suits a manager whose season is a series of near-death experiences. ESPN gives him a 51.35% chance at the two seed and 97.35% playoff odds, so the math likes him more than the scoreboard does. Week 3 brings Luke Branscum's Monty Hall Problem, and Eric's accounts hold an 11-4 edge over Luke across 2018 to 2025. Try scoring 155 again. Maybe it takes this time.

Mickle named the team after Courtland Sutton and Courtland Sutton repaid him with 4.00 points while Dalton Schultz dropped 20.00 from the bench, a 16-point act of betrayal by a man's own franchise mascot. Change the name. Call it Prime Schultz. Call it anything. The 164.46 he posted in week 1 remains the highest score anyone has managed this year, and then he followed it with 91.02, producing a 36.72 standard deviation that is the worst in the league by a distance. Two weeks in, the new guy has already been both the best and one of the worst teams in this thing. Daniel handed him a 53.86-point loss, the biggest margin of the season, and Mike supplied most of the weaponry: Caleb Williams turned a 19.42 projection into 7.72, and Cameron Dicker kicked exactly one point, a figure I had to look at twice to confirm kickers can reach. His 84.03% efficiency last week ranked tenth against the hindsight-optimal lineup, with $43 of drafted money parked on the bench today. He complains about his guys constantly and this week the complaints have receipts. Jason Ho's Weenie Hut Jr. is next. Mike still has the highest ceiling in the league at 157.12, so he can bury Jason or he can lose to a man who started the wrong defense and won anyway.

Max goes big or goes home, and right now he's doing both at once. Josh Allen exploded for 40.82, Dalton Kincaid added 19.00 off an 8.42 projection, and Max still only managed 115.92 because the rest of his lineup formed a support group. Javonte Williams 6.50. Mike Evans 6.90. DK Metcalf 4.70. Quentin Johnston 1.90. Colston Loveland, 0.80 points, which somehow represents progress: in week 1 Max started Loveland for a clean zero while Kincaid sat on the bench with 15.50, the worst start/sit call anyone has made this season. He has now started Loveland twice. Twice. The man saw a 0.00 and said run it back. His season lineup efficiency of 84.91% ranks ninth, measured against the perfect hindsight lineup, and he's left 42.30 points on the table that a flawless manager would have captured. His quarterback position is 17.98 above par and his WR/TE spot is 5.35 below, which is a polite way of saying Josh Allen is carrying a man and four bags. He's also got an injured starter, which for Max is a Tuesday. Daniel's Wideout Roulette visits in week 3, the 2-0 vs 2-0 marquee, and Max's accounts hold the 13-10 all-time lead across 2013 to 2025.

The commissioner posted 76.40 in week 1 for the lowest score anybody has managed this season, then turned around and dropped 157.68 to beat Eric by 1.98. That is a 40.64 standard deviation, the wildest in the league, and a 7.5 rank volatility, the most movement of anyone. Bryan went from twelfth to fifth in one week. He's not a fantasy team, he's a poll about whether fantasy teams should exist. Davante Adams went for 35.50 against a 13.14 projection and Matthew Stafford added 26.98, which is redemption of a sort: in week 1 Bryan started Stafford for 4.10 while Jayden Daniels sat with 17.66, the worst start/sit of his season. Week 2 he ran a 98.32% lineup, third-best that week against the hindsight-optimal, so the man who drafts boring players has been quietly doing the boring things right. He's also eaten 288.62 points against, worst in the league, which explains the 1-1 more than anything he's done. Two injured starters heading into week 3 and $42 of drafted money on his bench today. Vincent's Dijon Likely on my Glizzy comes next, and Bryan's accounts hold an 11-10 all-time edge across 2011 to 2025. Somebody put it to a vote.

Vinny ran a 99.51% lineup in week 2, the best efficiency in the league that week against the best lineup available in hindsight, and lost by 6.38 to Jason. There is no version of this that isn't cruel. The schedule swap says it plainly: give Vincent Luke's schedule and both of his games flip from losses to wins. He'd be 2-0. He is instead the only team in the league to have zero total margin of victory, a luck delta of negative 0.59 that ranks dead last, and a spot at the tenth seed while sitting fourth in points scored. Bijan Robinson turned a 20.37 projection into 9.60, which is the single reason he's not talking about a win right now. Tyler Shough, of all people, gave him 22.38. Chase McLaughlin kicked 16.00. He is winning every argument except the one on the scoreboard. The depth issue is real too: his still-rostered draft picks have returned 1.16 points per dollar, tenth in the league, and he's leaned on the wire hard enough that acquired players have produced 82.70 points, second-most. Six transactions, tied for most. He's working. Bryan's Jamo to the Dome is next, and Vincent's accounts sit 10-11 all-time against him across 2011 to 2025. One of these weeks the dice are going to land right side up and he's going to be insufferable about it.

The team is named 1-0 and the man is 2-0, which is the most Andrew thing imaginable: undersell, then quietly clean up. His luck delta of positive 0.55 leads the league and his strength of schedule of 95.36 is the softest anyone has faced. He has scored 219.92 points, eighth in the league, and absorbed only 190.72, the fewest. Dozo isn't winning games, he's being handed them in a gift bag. His drafted players still on the roster have produced 202.20 points, last in the league, and returned 1.011 points per dollar, also last. The team is running on waiver pickups: 122.74 points from acquired players, most in the league by a wide margin. Jared Goff went for 29.78 in week 2 and DJ Moore contributed negative 0.10, a number that should come with an apology letter. Then there's Bryce Young scoring 24.08 from the bench while Andrew's lineup wheezed to 103.48. He drafts the same players every year and this year the same players are on someone else's roster. Two injured starters heading into week 3 against Omeed and Drew's Snakes, where his accounts are 12-12-1 all-time across 2011 to 2025. Push him all-in and he folds. Push him a soft schedule and he's the three seed.

Nobody can tell what Luke's team names mean and this year he's gone ahead and named his after a probability puzzle, which is bold for a man who left 56.12 points on the table through two weeks, the most in the league. His season lineup efficiency of 79.99% ranks twelfth out of twelve, dead last, measured against the perfect hindsight lineup. Luke, you did not have to pick the door with the goat behind it every single time. Week 1 he started Bo Nix for 5.44 while Patrick Mahomes sat on his bench with 21.66, a 16.22-point self-own, and week 2 he corrected it by starting Mahomes for 28.98 and instead benching Denzel Boston for 18.00. He finishes the draft early and leaves, and it shows: he's got the second-most points from still-rostered draft picks in the league at 300.70, a roster strength of 145.82 that ranks second, and one transaction all season. Great team. Absentee landlord. There is $50 of drafted money parked on his bench today. He beat Omeed and Drew by 36.62 anyway, because David Montgomery's 3.40 and Drake London's 6.90 still cleared whatever The Snakes were doing. Eric's Fall of the House of York is next, and Luke's accounts are 4-11 against Eric across 2018 to 2025. Show up for this one.

The reigning last-place finishers dropped six spots in a week, which for Omeed means six days of total silence in the group chat. He talks when they win. Drew, who does the actual roster work while Omeed workshops trade offers nobody wants, put together a 98.84% lineup in week 2, second-best in the league that week against the hindsight-optimal, and it produced 85.16 points. That's the joke: perfect management of a roster that scored the fewest points anyone put up in week 2. Justin Jefferson 7.00. Ashton Jeanty 8.30. Ladd McConkey 5.00. The Chiefs D/ST produced 1.00 point and Harrison Mevis kicked 3.00, which means their kicker and defense combined for less than one Travis Kelce touchdown. Kelce, at 36 years old, led the team with 20.60. Their roster strength of 121.24 is eleventh in the league and their kicker spot sits 6.50 below par, the worst K situation anyone has. Zero FAAB spent, which is a choice when your defense is producing single digits. Their seed odds give them a 0.93% chance at twelfth and a 27.05% shot at the playoffs, so 2025 is not repeating itself yet. Andrew's 1-0 is next, and their combined accounts sit 12-12-1 against him across 2011 to 2025. Drew will draft the lineup. Omeed will take the credit.

Jason spent $32 of FAAB, triple what anyone else has burned, and then started the wrong defense. The Buccaneers gave him 4.00. The Patriots sat on his bench with 20.00. He won by 6.38. Sixteen points of his own roster watched the game from the couch and he still escaped, which is the fantasy equivalent of tripping over the finish line and being handed a medal. J, the one job on Sunday is picking the right one of your two defenses. Ja'Marr Chase went 23.00 and Jonathan Taylor 27.20, two premium guys doing all the labor while Marvin Harrison Jr. posted a clean 0.00 and Trevor Lawrence converted a 15.91 projection into 6.16. His 81.70% efficiency in week 2 ranked eleventh against the hindsight-best lineup, and $53 of drafted money is riding his bench right now. The running backs are the one honest room in the house at 8.56 above par. His WR/TE slot sits 5.20 below, which is where the season goes to die. He also owns the second-narrowest scoring range in the league at 0.98, meaning he posts 106 and change no matter what, a metronome playing the wrong song. Mike Durlofsky's Prime Sutton is next. Beat Mickle and the Mario Kart standings won't be the only thing Jason gets to run.

Mero drafts solid teams, everyone says so, and this solid team has a 75.17% lineup efficiency, the worst single-week mark anyone posted in week 2, measured against the lineup he could have run with hindsight. He left 46.54 points uncaptured on the season, eleventh in the league. The headline crime: Luther Burden III started for 4.70 while Stefon Diggs put up 19.20 from the bench, a 14.5-point gift to nobody. Amon-Ra St. Brown did his job with 30.70 against a 16.46 projection. Justin Herbert turned 19.48 projected into 7.88. The Lions D/ST scored negative 4.00 points, which is not a defense, it's a donation. Mero lost by 15.40 to Andrew and is now on a two-game skid with a luck delta of negative 0.36, eleventh in the league, and his quarterback position sits 9.69 below par, the worst QB hole in the league. There's $71 of drafted money on his bench today, second-most, which suggests the solid draft is mostly solid in places he isn't starting. His playoff odds sit at 5.18% and his chance of finishing twelfth is 5.55%. Jacob Rudger's @thereal_achane is next, a rival matchup between the two winless teams, and Mero's accounts are 7-7 against Jacob across their shared seasons from 2011 to 2025. Somebody has to win.

Jacob has been outscored by 103.82 points across two games, has the lowest average score in the league at 88.28, the lowest ceiling at 88.94, the weakest roster strength at 104.08, and a 90.39% chance of finishing dead last. He also has four injured starters, the most in the league, with three more flagged for week 3. His roster is a MASH unit. Dak Prescott gave him 29.76 in week 2, a genuine gift, and the rest of the lineup responded with Saquon Barkley at 2.50 off a 16.38 projection, Malik Nabers at 0.60, and Dallas Goedert at 0.90. Three starters combined for 4.00 points. His $90 in drafted money currently sitting on the bench is the highest in the league, though when four of your guys are hurt that figure is less a decision than a diagnosis. His still-rostered picks have returned 1.106 points per dollar, eleventh. He's faced the second-toughest schedule at 140.19 points per opponent, so there's a sliver of an excuse available if he wants it. Mero's Don't Look Brock in Anger is next, the winless bowl, and Jacob's accounts sit 7-7 against Mero across 2011 to 2025. Two teams, zero wins, one loser who gets to go home and think about it.